The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
high school led us to believe that so much of our adult working lives would require poster board
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) September 24, 2018
Today is brought to you by the letter A and the primal scream.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) September 26, 2018
live your life with the enthusiasm of Bruce Springsteen counting to 4
— Jill Krajewski (@JillKrajewski) September 23, 2018
Tweets from my #DraftsFolder:
NO ONE IN NYC HAS EVER HAD AN APARTMENT AS LARGE AS MONICA’S AND I’M FURIOUS. “FRIENDS” LIED TO ME AND EVERYONE WHO WATCHED THE SHOW.
— Blair Imani 💥 (@BlairImani) September 22, 2018
its the weekend baby. you know what that means. its time to drink precisely one beer and write it on my calendar
— Heather Schmelzlen (@anchorlines) September 27, 2018
It Sounded Funnier In My Head: A Memoir
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 24, 2018
Me: I’m a capable, smart woman.
Also me: Wed-nes-day.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) September 26, 2018
Before leaving my house I like to ask myself important questions like, “Is this worth putting pants on for?”
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 23, 2018
Every weekend I’m taken by how good I would be at being a woman of leisure. It’s a shame I can’t pursue that lifestyle full time.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) September 23, 2018
*Drives off into sunset*
*turns around because forgot phone*
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) September 25, 2018
My biggest dream right now is to win the raffle at Trader Joe’s for bringing my own bag
— Caroline Moss (@socarolinesays) September 25, 2018
wow what a week this *checks watch* 3 hours has been
— Jonquilyn Hill (@jonquilynhill) September 24, 2018
Her: How was brunch?
Me: I SAW SEVEN DOGS AND ONE LICKED ME.
Her: What did you order?
Me: SEVEN FUZZY BUDDIES!!!
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) September 23, 2018
[through chopstick walrus tusks] divorth?
— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) September 24, 2018
sometimes when im feeling myself i think about how my waxer said “and the toes too” and bring myself back down to earth
— fatimah asghar. (@asgharthegrouch) September 25, 2018
How I Get It Done: I Sit On My Bed In A Wet Towel Post-Shower Scrolling On Instagram Until Said Towel Soaks Through My Sheets And Forces Me To Get Up
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) September 25, 2018
Delta: you can bring one free carry-on
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) September 25, 2018
I pledge allegiance to the woman who growled “don’t you fucking try it today” to the man who catcalled her, this is now a stan account
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) September 28, 2018
I accidentally butt dialed 911 at a wedding last night, but then I was like actually these dance moves are on FIRE u might wanna get down here
— Kelly Hannon (@Hannerisms) September 23, 2018