The ‘Golden Rule’: How emotionally intelligent people use it Ask a question

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The 'Golden Rule': How emotionally intelligent people use it
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You truly want to leave your job.

You worked hard for months to figure out the best way to make your side business a fully-fledged enterprise. You handed in your resignation.

Your boss immediately tries to persuade you to leave, promising a big raise.

It is tempting.

It’s easy to start thinking second.

What do you need to do?

An old practice helped me control my emotions when faced with difficult situations such as this, and I was able to make better decisions.

This requires me to ask myself the “golden question”.

The golden question

You can answer the golden question by asking five questions all at once.

Ask yourself these questions when you are faced with emotional decisions.

What will you think about it in:

  • A day?
  • a week?
  • A month?
  • A year?
  • 5 year?

This question can be helpful because it helps us understand how our brains perceive emotions.

The brain’s largest portion, the frontal lobe, is often used to perform higher-level executive functions, such as planning, organizing, and exercising self-control. However, when there is an emotional threat to our brains, the amygdala, which controls the rest of the brain, “hijacks” them, often leading to a fight, flee, or freeze response.

In certain circumstances, emotional hijackings may be helpful. However, they may cause us to regret something or say things that we shouldn’t.

This is where the golden question enters.

You can force yourself to consider how your decision will impact your future. This allows you to switch from using your amygdala back into your frontal lobe.

You “hack” the hijack.

Let’s take, for example, the situation at the beginning.

Ask yourself these questions before you accept your boss’s offer.

What will you think about it in a…day?

It’s pretty good. It is nice to know that my work has been valued here.

…a week?

It’s not bad. It’s time to think about how I will spend the money.

What about a month?

Hmmm. It’s nice to have the extra cash, but it doesn’t seem worth it.

What is the year of?

It’s horrible. This job is horrible.

What about…5 Years?

It’s amazing that I didn’t start this business. What would my life be like if that were the case?

The benefits of asking the golden question don’t just apply to your professional life.

Let’s take, for example, a happy relationship. Like everyone, you and your partner will have moments. You have been through a lot, but nothing that you can’t overcome.

Today is not a good day for you both. You are tempted to reply with something that will cause you pain if your partner makes a hurtful comment.

You should ask yourself these questions before you make a decision.

What will you think about it in a…day?

He was not good but he earned it.

…a week?

Wow. It’s the longest battle we have ever had.

What about a month?

Perhaps I should not have said the things I did.

What is the year of?

It’s unbelievable that we are breaking up. __S.60__

What about…5 Years?

That day is my wish.

We all make mistakes. You shouldn’t dwell too much on the mistakes of others.

The golden question is unique because it gives you a peek into the future, so you have another chance to live in the present.

The golden question is a great way to get an answer when you are faced with an emotionally charged decision.

Control your emotions

Make better decisions.

Live with less regrets

If you enjoyed this article, sign up to my emotional intelligence course. Each day, you will receive a different rule that helps you use emotions for your benefit, rather than against them. (

Inc.com columnsists’ opinions are not the views of Inc.com.

Publiated at Sun, 05/09/2021 9:34:53 +0000

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