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‘I’ve lived most of my life in an abusive relationship. You can’t get away when your abuser is your own mind’


I was 13 the first time I tried to take my own life. Fortunately, I had no idea what I was doing and it turned out to be an epic failure. I was so embarrassed that I never told anyone about it. Ten years later, my third attempt landed me in the Mater Hospital with organ damage. So many nights in between I went to bed praying I wouldn’t wake up and in the morning I would wake up heartbroken.

hy did I want to die? Well, the problem is that I’ve lived most of my life in an abusive relationship. My abuser tells me every day that I’m disgusting — everything from my big forehead to my chunky ankles. But she hates what’s inside even more. She shouts at me all the time that I’m a failure, a victim, a narcissist, desperate for attention, drowning in self-pity, and the list goes on. She repeatedly tells me that my husband thinks he loves me but some day he will find someone he really loves and will leave.



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