In other shocking twists you have been told that 99% of your direct ancestors had had sex at least once. Said one participant: ‘It was very emotional to discover my great, great, great grandfather had passed away. I feel like I barely knew him’.
Other revelations include – wars are bad, none of your Victorian aunts had access to an iPhone and that your biological parents were almost certainly born after their own parents.
The report explained: ‘Thanks to DNA searches we know that you are not evolved from dinosaurs. And that key historical death certificates show that none of your family were immortal. We’d go as far as a 66% certainly that you yourself will die. but not until you have been born.
‘That’ll be £50, please.’