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Royal Ruckus: Extinction Rebellion Sets Sights on King Charles

In a move that’s bound to ruffle more than a few royal feathers, climate activist group Extinction Rebellion (XR) has announced plans to target King Charles in a three-day protest extravaganza. The group, known for their theatrical demonstrations and uncanny ability to glue themselves to things, is gearing up to make His Majesty’s life a right royal pain.

The protest, scheduled to kick off next month, aims to highlight the monarchy’s vast landholdings and their environmental impact. An XR spokesperson, who probably practices their stern face in the mirror, declared, “We’re bringing the climate crisis to the King’s doorstep. Maybe we’ll even leave a strongly worded note on his fancy letterhead.”

Dr. Emma Greenwood, a political science professor at University College London, shared her thoughts over what was probably a very eco-friendly cup of tea. “XR targeting the King is like shooting fish in a barrel, if the fish were wearing crowns and the barrel was Buckingham Palace,” she quipped. “It’s a savvy move that’s guaranteed to grab headlines.”

The group plans to set up camp outside various royal properties, presumably armed with an arsenal of cardboard signs and enough organic snacks to outlast the Siege of Troy. They’ve promised “non-violent direct action,” which could mean anything from interpretive dance protests to attempting to replace the King’s scepter with a recycled toilet paper roll.

Royal commentator Hugo Vickers, sounding like he’d rather be discussing literally anything else, told us, “This is hardly the coronation gift His Majesty was hoping for. One imagines he’d prefer a nice pair of socks.”

The palace, in its infinite wisdom, has remained tight-lipped about the upcoming royal rumble. A source close to the King, who may or may not be a talking corgi, hinted that Charles is “less than amused” by the prospect of climate activists redecorating his front lawn.

Environmental policy expert Dr. Jasmine Chen from the London School of Economics offered her two pence: “While XR’s methods are often polarizing, they’re not wrong about the monarchy’s environmental footprint. It’s like if Godzilla wore Gucci and owned half of Scotland.”

As news of the planned protest spreads, some royalists are already clutching their pearls and Union Jack tea cozies in dismay. Meanwhile, London’s pigeons are presumably plotting how to best photobomb the inevitable aerial shots of the demonstration.

Met Police Commissioner Sir Mark Rowley, probably already feeling a migraine coming on, stated, “We’re prepared for any eventuality, including the possibility of protesters attempting to form a human drawbridge across the palace moat.”

As the countdown to this royal rumble begins, one thing’s for certain: it’s going to be three days of climate activism with a distinctly regal flavor. Will King Charles embrace his inner eco-warrior, or will he be too busy wondering if it’s too late to pass the crown to someone else? Only time will tell.

In the meantime, London residents are advised to stock up on popcorn and keep their eyes peeled for any suspiciously large trojan horses being wheeled towards Buckingham Palace.

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