Tag Archives: joke

So bitter! German commentator hits out at England’s ‘joke penalty’ – ‘More like a dive!’

Johannes Mittermeier, FOCUS online editor, insisted the “VAR experiment has failed” after Raheem Sterling won a penalty that resulted in Harry Kane converting the winning goal in extra time to make it 2-1 at Wembley. Writing for the German website, Mr Mittermeier said: “A penalty kick, which many thought was ridiculous or even scandalous, helped England win against Denmark and get into the European Championship final.

“The fact that the video referee did not intervene because he did not want to, was not able to or was not allowed to, allows only one conclusion given the dimension of this decision: The VAR experiment has failed.”

The German commentator admitted England “deserves” its place in the final, saying the Three Lions were the “more dominant, better and dangerous team” in the semi-final.

But he condemned the semi-final being “decided in such an absurd way, by a highly controversial, highly complimentary, for many ridiculous or even scandalous foul penalty kick”.

Mr Mittermeier went as far as to say the VAR “failed at the most critical scene of the tournament”.

He said: “Common sense, colleagues!

“Sterling was simply not fouled. It was more like a dive. Period.

“Technical means must lead to a clarification of the situation – as an aid for the referee, not as an overly didactic corrective.”

Mr Mittermeier concluded by calling for VAR to be scrapped.

READ MORE: Gary Neville accused of ‘inappropriate political statement’

Last night saw Gareth Southgate’s team secure victory sending them to their first major tournament final in more than half a century.

Prince William, Boris Johnson and David Beckham were among 60,000 supporters inside Wembley.

Denmark took an unlikely lead only to concede an own goal equaliser 10 minutes later.

Skipper Kane bundled home the rebound after his extra-time penalty had been saved.

England’s victory means the men’s team will play in their first major final since the 1966 World Cup, which they won.

Additional reporting by Monika Pallenberg.

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Author: Katie Harris
Read more here >>> Daily Express :: UK Feed

Bradley Walsh’s wife Donna oozes glamour at BAFTAs as he brands award snub ‘a joke’

On being a part of the show for eight years, she added: “I’m very lucky, ridiculously lucky.

“I keep on going, ‘Wait, are you sure you want me to come back? Tess, am I allowed to stand next to you?’

“No, I love it,” she continued, adding she was “very grateful” to still be there.

Strictly Come Dancing returns to BBC One later this year. 

This post originally appeared on Daily Express :: Celebrity News Feed

Eurovision viewers 'cringe' at Amanda Holden's 'arrogant' joke

Amanda Holden was branded ‘arrogant’ by viewers who tuned into Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday over a language joke.

Britain’s Got Talent judge Amanda was revealed as the UK jury spokesperson last month and shared her delight at being given the important Eurovision role.

She said: “What an honour to announce the UK’s votes this year. I’m utterly thrilled. It’s an ambition ticked after 45 years of watching it! Now, what to wear…”

She got in the Eurovision spirit on Friday by posing for photos in a Geri Halliwell-esque Union Jack dress but opted for something longer on Saturday night with an eye-catching feathered outfit.

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Amanda Holden appeared on Eurovision 2021, but has been deemed 'embarrassing' by viewers
Amanda Holden appeared on Eurovision 2021, but has been deemed ’embarrassing’ by viewers

As the hosts in Rotterdam crossed over to Amanda in London, she began: “Bon Soir. Goedenavond,” before making the joke that rubbed viewers up the wrong way.

She added: “That is good evening in French and Dutch although I’ve got absolutely no idea which is which.”

The quip was condemned instantly on social media, with one Eurovision lover tweeting: “Also how ignorant and damn right arrogant was Amanda Holden – to think her little pretending not to know which languages she was speaking act was cute or funny?

“It came across incredibly insulting to those countries I think.”

In agreement, a second reacted: “So I tbh don’t know who this Amanda Holden woman is but I felt embarrassed watching her.

“She was arrogant and ignorant. Even if she didn’t know what those languages were she didn’t need to say that.”

A third posted: “Amanda Holden proving her ignorant arrogance.

“Ignorant of simple phrases in the language of the host and arrogant that she finds that so amusing.”

Another sent an apology to the rest of Europe, tweeting: “On behalf of the whole UK, I apologise to #Eurovision for the embarrassment that is Amanda Holden making it all about her plus her stereotypical ‘I don’t speak foreign’”

It was dire night for the UK all round as 2021 entry Embers by James Newman finished 26th out of 26 countries with no points.

Author: [email protected] (Lucy Marshall)
This post originally appeared on Hull Live – Celebs & TV

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final (Image: GETTY)

Chelsea manager Thomas Tuchel joked that he can’t be doing too well as a manager despite reaching back-to-back Champions League finals, because he has done so with different clubs rather than the same one. And after his side booked their spot in the Istanbul final later this month, Tuchel declared: “It’s not done yet.” 
Chelsea beat Real Madrid 2-0 in the second leg of their semi-final tie at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday night thanks to goals from Timo Werner and Mason Mount.

That gave them a 3-1 aggregate win and sees them reach a third Champions League final in the club’s history, their first since they won the competition for the first and only time back in 2012.

For Tuchel, it means back-to-back European Cup showpieces after his Paris Saint-Germain side lost to Bayern Munich in Lisbon last year.

Chelsea will take on Premier League champions elect Manchester City on May 29 in Turkey, after City beat PSG – now managed by ex-Tottenham boss Mauricio Pochettino – 2-0 (4-1 on aggregate) in their own semi-final on Tuesday.

City and Chelsea meet in a dress rehearsal at the Etihad this weekend in which Pep Guardiola’s side can secure their third league title in the past four years.

But despite only arriving in January, and also taking Chelsea to an FA Cup final, Tuchel laughed that he can’t be doing too well as a manager despite his incredible early success with the Blues, because otherwise he’d still be the PSG head coach.

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final (Image: GETTY)

Tuchel was sacked by the French champions just before Christmas last year and then replaced the axed Frank Lampard at Chelsea a month later. He has become the first manager ever to reach back-to-back Champions League finals with two different clubs.

Told he must be doing something right, the German tactician smiled to BT Sport’s Des Kelly: “Or not because it’s not the same club! It depends who you ask.

“No I’m happy. I’m very, very happy that we achieved this. I’m in general very grateful that I have the opportunity to live my life in football and fill this passion as a professional.

“I’m more than grateful to do it on this level and to coach a team like this and to arrive now for the second time in a final, I’m very grateful. Very thankful. 

“We deserved to win. First half was difficult because they had a lot of ball possession, made us suffer. But we were dangerous with counter-attacks and never lost the hunger or desire to defend.

“Second half was an even better structure to defend. It was a fantastic performance. Second half, we could have scored so much earlier and so much more to be safe.

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final (Image: GETTY)

“But no time for criticism now. It’s a fantastic achievement. A big congratulations to the team.”

On the nerves of the second half before Mount’s 85th minute goal made sure of Chelsea’s victory against the 13-time European champions, Tuchel added: “It can happen in any second of any football match, not only against Real Madrid.

“Against Real Madrid of course it’s always dangerous, they can turn nothing into gold. You’re always on the edge.

“Big, big congratulations because to hang in there, even if you have big chances and miss, miss and miss again, to never lose concentration and never lose focus or the positive energy on the pitch is huge. A huge performance and well deserved.”

And asked about the showdown with City, Tuchel continued: “The final? Ask me four days before. It’s too early. Hopefully not but there can be injured players and players out of form. We need to wait and see.

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final (Image: GETTY)

“Hopefully we arrive with the whole squad and we arrive in a good moment and good atmosphere because it’s not done yet. It’s not done yet. We want to go all the way. We arrive in Istanbul to win.”

Goalscorer Mount meanwhile told the BT cameras after the final whistle: “I can’t put it into words, really, at the moment. But it was a great performance tonight, it was a tough, tough game.

“You know what they’re like, they’re going to come and they’re going to give it everything. I thought we were brilliant, we worked hard.

“We probably should have had about five. I should have had one about 20 minutes before I scored. The most important thing is that we won tonight. But it’s not over, there’s one more game left.

“We’ve got two massive cup finals and hopefully we can win.”

Speaking about this weekend’s league showdown with City, Mount added: “We’ve played them three times already this season, so it’s going to be a stunning game.”

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final (Image: GETTY)

And captain Cesar Azpilicueta added: “Massive performance from the team. We knew we had a tough opponent and I think the team performed really well and could have scored more goals.
“Not only the guys that were lucky to play this game on the pitch, we have a fantastic squad and staff around.

“Everybody pushes hard in training, it creates the atmosphere to be together, to fight for every ball, to help each other from the stand.

“For me, this is massive to create a strong group. At the moment, we have plenty of things to fight for ahead of us.”

The Spanish defender said of the final, which will come a fortnight after they face Leicester in the FA Cup final at Wembley: “It’s a Champions League final against Manchester City, we know that.

“We have played them lots of times, but it’s a Champions League final. But we believe in ourselves. We know that we will have to work hard, but we’re ready for this.”

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final

Chelsea boss Thomas Tuchel cracks PSG joke as Blues set up Man City Champions League final (Image: GETTY)

While Werner, now Chelsea’s joint-top goalscorer this season, reflected: “Where we started under the new manager, we were 10th in the league, we are now in the cup final and the Champions League final.

“Everything, we are on the road to the top four, we can win the Champions League and we can win the FA Cup. Our team is incredible, what we did today.

“We didn’t have so much of the ball, like normally, but how we controlled the game and the rhythm against a team with world-class players in every position.

“We are young, but we’re not stupid to make mistakes and we were very, very good today.

“Maybe if you can say something to us today is the fact that we could decide the game earlier in the second-half.

“But in the end, it’s not easy to play against Real Madrid and we did very, very well.”

This post originally appeared on Daily Express :: Sport Feed

Shrek fan uncovers X-rated joke we all missed on first watch ‘I’m disturbed’

This post originally appeared on Daily Express :: Entertainment Feed

The hit movie was released in 2001, becoming a huge success with children and adults alike all over the world. With it predominantly targeting a younger audience, this joke would have gone over the heads of most viewers – until now.

Sharing the clip on TikTok, @kathy_martinez05 revealed the moment as part of her ongoing ‘childhood films filled with adult jokes’ series.

The scene shows Lord Farquaad lying in bed with a cocktail as he says: “Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.”

The mirror then reluctantly displays an image of Princess Fiona as she looks out of her castle window.

At this point, a small bump starts to rise under Lord Farquaad’s bedding as he stares at the picture of the princess.

The character then has a quick look under the sheets, followed by what appears to be an uncomfortable expression on his face.

The video has caused a stir with fans of the movie, with 8.6 million views and 1.6m likes in the two weeks since its upload.

The TikTok’s caption asks viewers: “Did anyone else catch that?”

It appears that many did, as TikTokers have been sharing their shock at the scene ever since.

READ MORE: Tom Hardy’s Venom ‘wanted by Kevin Feige in MCU’ – Spider-Man cameo?

Some users have been sharing their misconceptions of the scene from when they first saw the movie.

One said: “When I was younger I thought he spilt his drink.”

A second added: “I just thought he realised he didn’t have his shirt and pulled up the blanket.”

One user pointed out that this was not the only X-rated moment creators discretely included in the movie.

They said: “When Donkey is with the dragon and he says, ‘No that’s my personal tail!’ Omg I never realised.”

Khabib time: UFC legend shows off dazzling timepiece engraved with his perfect record as fans joke his watch would rile McGregor

Author RT
This post originally appeared on RT Sport News

Khabib Nurmagomedov has shown off one of four watches made by the UFC legend in collaborative partnership with a luxury brand, including one design that is said to reflect the “versatility, style and toughness of a champion”.

The Dagestani shared footage of the design, which has been made by jewelry and wristwatch retailer Jacob & Co., with his following of more than 28 million on Instagram. 

“One of my favorite Khabib timepieces,” he wrote on the social media platform.

“This timepiece includes my UFC nickname ‘The Eagle’, my undefeated record and my signature on the back of the watch.”

The designers wrote that the Epic X Tourbillon Khabib model has a 44mm case “made of tough and light grade 5 titanium”, with Khabib’s image appearing on the sapphire crystal caseback.

Fans were impressed with the design, peppering the comments section with messages of admiration about the watch which does not carry a public price tag.

“Conor McGregor dislikes this,” joked one, referring to Nurmagomedov’s one-time UFC rival who was labeled a “tool” for splashing out $ 2 million on a watch that opens up to show two people having sex earlier this year.

‘Notorious’ bought the Rasputin piece ahead of his knockout defeat to Dustin Poirier at UFC 257, accompanied by an Astronomia Tourbillon Baguette valued at almost $ 1 million and also made by Jacob & Co.

“New watch, new suit, new whip alert,” he bragged at the time, showing off the latter purchase containing 342 cut diamonds on its backdrop and 80 diamonds on its lugs, as well as 133 on a dial making up 16.8 carats.

“That watch looks s*** – like something you’d win on a fairground stall,” said one detractor. “And it’s called ‘baguette’, for f*ck’s sake.”
Also on rt.com ‘What a tool’: UFC’s Conor McGregor savaged over ‘tacky and classless’ X-rated $ 2mn watch in spending spree ahead of Poirier fight

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Khabib launches digital NFT cards as fans joke McGregor will buy ‘diamond’ version to FINALLY get chance to meet nemesis again

Retired UFC champion Khabib Nurmagomedov has become the latest superstar from the world of sports to join the NFT revolution, announcing the release of a unique set of digital cards.

NFTs – non-fungible tokens – are becoming all the rage among the sporting elite and Khabib has become the latest name to jump on the bandwagon.

The tokens are touted as being ‘one-of-a-kind’ assets in the digital realm which can be bought or sold.

Taking to his social media platforms on Tuesday, Khabib revealed that he was releasing a series of “digital cards” bearing his image which fans could bid to get their hands on.

“Khabib Nurmagomedov proudly presents his NFT collection of unique cards,” read a statement on the website digitalkhabib.com.

“Three series of cards will be issued: gold, platinum and diamond. Cards will be issued in limited series and all unsold cards will be burnt. The diamond card will be unique, only one will be issued.”

The announcement went on to add that the move was a nod to Khabib’s recently confirmed retirement as he left the UFC as undefeated and undisputed lightweight champion.

The gold version will be limited to 290 cards, and will have “unlockable content” which will later be revealed to the owners.

The platinum edition, meanwhile, will be limited to just 29 cards and buyers will each “have the opportunity to receive a unique personal prize from Khabib” which will be revealed at a later date.

Top of the range is the diamond card, which will be limited to a single issue.

“The card buyer will have the opportunity to personally meet Khabib, and will also receive other gifts from him which will be announced at a later date before the auction starts,” the sales pitch gushed.    

It was that chance to meet ‘The Eagle’ which led some fans to troll former UFC rival Conor McGregor, who has been desperate to secure a rematch with the Russian star since Khabib submitted him in their Las Vegas grudge match in October 2018.

“Conor McGregor is going to buy the Diamond Card,” joked one fan, sharing the details of what the prize would give the owner.

“Smart man! Whoever is your financial advisor deserves an award,” wrote another fan, clearly impressed.

Others, however, accused Khabib of pushing his side-hustles a little bit too hard as he continues to expand his already broad range of business interests and endorsements. 

Despite their somewhat novel nature, NFTs are becoming increasingly big business for sports stars, just as they are in other areas.

Last month, golfer Bryson DeChambeau announced he was releasing a set of cards, while the NBA has also spotted the potential of the blockchain-based assets.

Basketball highlights are being made into NFTs – known as Moments – by NBA Top Shot, a joint venture between the National Basketball Association, the NBA Players Association and Dapper Labs.
Also on rt.com Joining the revolution: Golf star DeChambeau issues NFT cards as he becomes latest big name to dabble in digital tokens
So far, the record amount spent at Top Shot was by Jesse Schwarz, the founder of Front Page.

Schwarz spent $ 208,000 on a LeBron James dunk, saying: “Everyone knows there’s one Mona Lisa. You can print out a picture of it, someone can paint you a fake one. But there’s only ever one.”

Outside of sport, Twitter founder Jack Dorsey sold his first-ever tweet as an NFT for a staggering $ 2.9 million.

READ MORE: Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey sells his first tweet for $ 2.9 million

Whether Conor McGregor is willing to go quite that high for the chance to come face to face with Khabib again remains to be seen…  


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Martin Lewis sparks frenzy with raunchy innuendo after 'orgasm' skill joke

Martin Lewis, 48, had quite a shock on Thursday morning ahead of his appearance on This Morning. Revealing a backstage glimpse of the program’s production running order, the Money Saving Expert made light of the hilarious – and some may say fortunate – layout for the upcoming segments.
Following the health headlines, the program then featured a piece on sex with the title reading, “I Teach Women To Orgasm”.

Straight after the raunchy topic, Martin was due on for his regular “Ask Martin Lewis” Q&A session, where viewers can call in with any money or consumer related queries they may have.

After noticing the saucy layout of the show, he took to Twitter to share it with his 1.1 million followers and proceeded to make the most of the happy accident.

“I have many skills according to today’s @thismorning running order,” he said, before adding: “(true dat)”(sic)

READ MORE: Martin Roberts points out Homes under the Hammer ‘mistake’

A sixth was disappointed: “I know saving money is exciting but it’s never had that effect on me!”

During the show, Martin shared his dismay after a woman phoned in to explain how she had been scammed after attempting to invest in crypto-currency.

The Money Saving Expert admitted he had to refrain from spouting profanities live on-air, as he tweeted his disgust.

He shared his fury over the situation as he issued a warning to Britons to be more careful with their money.

Martin penned: “That was devastating @thismorning phone in. A warning for all.

“A poor woman having a tough time, thought she was investing in bitcoin, but they were scammers. Even her card firm warned her, but she was in too deep.

“I stopped myself saying b*****ds on air, but they are b*****ds.”

He advised the caller to contact her credit card company and attempt to get the transaction reversed.

This Morning airs weekdays ta 10am one ITV.